What's in a Hug?

I was dutifully doing back-reads on Posts I have missed and as part of my sanity check, I always check this Blog out. Muppets for Justice I am not prescribing you follow my lead by stalking this particularly odd Blog; as a matter of fact, don't.

To begin with, if you do not have the gift of fortitude, a gut laced with titanium, and a blood type boosted with Fluoroantimonic Acid or HSbF6, I suggest stay away from it. Like I said, reading the Addman is a routine sanity check. He makes me feel grounded and home. (pauses to wipe a tear)



But what is this? I digress. His penultimate post spoke about a provocative business proposition on HUGS. Somehow I knew that as a professional hug-ologist myself, I was not alone in this Blogsphere with this competency. That and I thought I would give a little primer on the history and power of hugs.


Allow me, please never ever underestimate and befuddle the meanings of hugs. This is very serious business.

• The Fredo Fuggedaboutit Hug - Whatever happened to Fredo Corleone? This hug is associated with deep affection, a broken heart, death and is said to be totally sanctimonious. If confused, watch the Coppola Classic again. Non-gender specific hug.

• The Hockey Puck You Hug - a sincere gesture of welcome between two allegedly adult men who enjoy the glorious sport of running after a small flat disk, whacking it to death, and all this is done to validate their testosterone brawn and force. Said to be a public display of deep affection claimed by users of this hug. Subscribed by males, generally.

• The Palinski's Oblivion Hug - known to be used to incapacitate and dissolve the party being hugged to oblivion. Use sparingly as subjects of this type of hugs are no longer available to comment.

• The ImaClubYouTillYouCry Elinburg Hug - originated by an Olympic hugger, Ivana Zelnikova Trump, this hug is vicious and clingy and said to guarantee lifetime satisfaction to women who for one reason or another, will need to deploy it. It was recently re-launched to the public for use upon advisement of excellent counsels. For the women who need to demonstrate this hug, don't hold back.

• The "I Didn't Do It" Hug - a very common hug, but since a couple of decades ago has been known as the "Clinton" Hug; is often publicly demonstrated, openly and willingly composed for photo-journalistic significance. This hug has been with the world since the B.C. ages, but used so frequently and broadly that to this date, it still seems to have the same impact and result for what it was designed for. This hug is timeless, ageless and breaks down barriers of status and economic classes. Users of this hug are by and large still using it. As to why? Beats me. I am here to inform not to educate.

• The Royal Hug - also known as the Unicorn of all hugs; mystical, enigmatic, unseen, imaginary and most likely non-existent. Her Royal Highness is just not into hugs.