Just Sayin'

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Swimsuit Ooops!

In keeping with the spirit of a Teen Fashion Blogger (hahahaha, I can hear my laughter bounce from the Tibetan mountains and back) I reckon it's time to give some great reminders on choosing the right swimwear without the unwanted "slips" and FAILs.  I like to qualify "unwanted" as some slips are desired, okay?





      Good Lord!
    • Looking absolutely hideous is totally out!. You see here, I know she's having a great time, so I really don't have the heart to tell her something is going terribly wrong with her swimsuit.  Sure, the colour is bright and contrasting, ergo there's nothing much I can say about her colour choice, it's really a cool colour ... but .. but ....



      WTF?



       If you don't have it, then you don't have it.  So let me tell you this.  JUST DON'T DO IT!  Have a heart please. I know everyone has the right to wear a swimsuit they prefer, I was referring to the hearts of the other people who might chance upon seeing you in yours. Looking like the Queen of the Damned or holding your breath for more than a 180 seconds, unless you are a licensed deep sea diver, is not good for your health and may actually turn you from a bronze tan to purplish blue.  And that's not funny.
      Yes You can!
      • When it's not there, improvise!  There are a variety of ways to create optical illusions.  I said that in a previous post.  ILLUSIONS  Your eyes tend to tell you things that are there even if they are not really there.  Use this principle wisely.  Follow your basic geometry, the law of lines and curves.  Curve a line to create an illusion of shape.  Principle of mass in physics, and density, in chemistry.  Ever heard of ruffles and wonder bras?  Don't they make you wonder what is, and what is not?
      Booyah!
      • Secure against the law of gravity.  If you happen to have more than a fair Cup C size, you may encounter some difficulties in keeping the fastened, fastened; and the clasped, clasped.  This is a particularly helpful reminder if you happen to be swimming in public and not in the privacy of your home pool or your spa.  Remember Murphy's Law.  What can go wrong, will go wrong.  There's a fabulous way around this you know, and not everyone on a plus, plus size should dread the summer beach look.  A winning smile, confidence  and lovely skin would always score beauty points whether it be in Maldives, Boracay or Rio.
      • Blame it on the "VOICES"!  If you catch yourself being guilty of any of these, you can always tell the people, "the voices told me to wear them"!  When some evil designer invented the thongs, it did not come with a fair warning that the design is NOT intended for everyone to use.  If you are not gifted with the perfect buns, you should not even dream about it.  The men's Borat V-shaped swimsuit became such a hit for the testosterone crowd, nobody dared say otherwise.  I would if this was my man.  I would kill him myself before I allow him to go public and be laughed at if he wears a V-shaped thong or mesh swim shorts.  I will ask for forgiveness after but I can pretty much justify why I had to do it.  The voices made me do it too!  
      The voices!
      • And just because.  Fine, so you may think I am having a great time babbling and bashing these mishaps and epic swimsuit failures, NOT! As a matter of fact, I think I kinda like a touch of uniqueness when I choose to romp at the beach.  Nothing beats the cozy His and Hers Look.  It's a definite head turner and last I checked, an unforgettable visual some people are still having great dreams about it.  Fine, you can be so picky, so what if several people consider their dreams to be nightmares?  Bottom line, summer is supposed to be fun, frolic and all about "fuckery'! hahahaha...
      Jenny & Jim
      Photo Credits.  Not mine. Borrowed. "Fuckery" c/o nitecruzz. Post Made by Piabella@.









      7 comments:

      1. hahaha or eeek on some of them.

        I do like the yellow one.Would it make small boobs look bigger? :)

        ReplyDelete
      2. Hey I'm glad that you smile Alex. Yes the yellow one, definitely. Adds illusions where it matters. Make the boobs look full. =) ♥

        ReplyDelete
      3. hahahahahahaha soooo funny. And that is why i end up wearing a bikini top under a cotton shirt with surf shorts. comfy and no wobbly parts exposed.

        ReplyDelete
      4. I prefer something with floaties.

        ReplyDelete