Just Sayin'

Friday, October 7, 2011

DON'T GET MAD, HERE'S HOW TO GET EVEN

(Author's Note:
DISCLAIMER: The information on this post are written up all in the spirit of fun and not to be tried at home. If you can't stop yourself from trying, the author will deny any responsibility and accountability to the choices and actions you make in your life as a result of reading this post. Ad nauseum.)

Have you ever been so mad you choke at your own mouth fluids, your vision blurs and your acid reflux starts to taste sweet? 
ANGER can be emotionally exhausting, physically draining and sometimes when you snap, can be humiliating and embarrassing. (It can also really make you look fugly!)



I understand that there are people who come across your peaceful life that you would like to choke the life out of.  Trust me, I have met more than enough. 
I have a friend who keeps a MUST KILL (Hit) LIST and she has had this list with her since she was 8 years old. The fact that there may be something severely wrong with the psyche of my friend is another matter,but her HIT LIST can likewise be seen as therapeutic. She has mastered the craft of detailing how she will execute these murders someday.

Now back to what I really wanted to say. Why get mad? Get even!
I seriously think there's nothing wrong with mapping out your vengeful carefully thought out plan of action instead of wasting your energy quietly seething and biting your tongue.


Do you have an ANNOYING Boss or Officemate?  Get even by:
  1. Invest on a remote control Fart Machine.  The modest investment can bring you priceless returns. Good times!
  2. Walk a few paces behind the bastard in the Office, and spray Lysol on everything he/she touches.
  3. When your boss/office mate goes to your work station to speak to you, clamp both your hands on your ears, and sing: "lalalalalala .." to the tune of the Batman theme. Or abruptly wear a "protection mask" when you face him.
  4. Fill in every coupon, online form etc you can find that is likely to result in junk mail. Use their name and address for delivery. They will have piles and piles of junk mail arriving on a daily basis, virtually forever. NOTE: If you are really vindictive, and your target is  married, then you can also ensure that as many "seedy" and porn type magazine catalogues are included in the mailings sent to them. You can choose his or her Home address or Office address. Either way, it will be fun.
  5. Scatter bird seed all over his/her car from hood to bonnet (works very well in an Open Parking Space). Let the birds do their thing.

Do you have a room mate or house mate you want to get even with? Try these:
  1. Tooth brush grime (self explanatory and totally gross)
  2. When your house mate is on holidays, put a couple of watering pails or large mouth plastic bottles filled with water in his/her clothes cabinet. Add generous handfuls of fast growing grass seeds. Happily and peacefully wait for their return.
  3. Install a Password on the phone. Feign ignorance when confronted.
  4. Call the Florists. Charge COD. Order as many arrangements as you can with silly and foolish messages. Make sure you are not around on Delivery Dates.
  5. Unfaithful partner with an expensive car? Ahh ... check this out

And finally, getting even with your "ex":
  1. Get his picture. Post an advert. Ad should read: Specializing in "dubious" services.You can specify the services offered if you wish. Add his contact numbers and email address.
  2. Talk to friends of friends. Make sure the news will get to him at some point. Sadly point out his incompetence in bed as the reason why your relationship ended. If you're feeling a little creative, Blog about it. Post the Blog link on your Facebook and Twitter.  Respect his privacy by using only his initials.
  3. Post your picture looking extremely happy with your current squeeze. If he has deleted you in his Friends on FB, mail him a copy of the picture
  4. If your ex is making a road trip with his current girl, you can choose any of the following options:
  • Call local law enforcement and make an anonymous tip that the person is trafficking drugs and these are hidden very well in the car.  Be vague but specific and convincing enough.
  • Report the car as stolen. OR. Report that it is your car that is stolen.  That you just left it in front of your Office and is now gone.
  • Send a Fax to his Boss stating that he has found a better offer and is tendering his irrevocable resignation.
Of course it is is easy to say "Move on with your life and be happy" but without a doubt, it is much more exhilarating to exact anguish to people who have brought you such.






7 comments:

  1. Moving on is fine.... we just must NOT let them move on. Like they can ever forget us.

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  2. haha, these are the best revenges I have ever read. I like 1 and 2 but the birdseed car is so funny.

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  3. Me think gun is good method for revenge.

    sincerely,
    convict #8675309

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  4. There was a woman who once sewed a kipper into the lining of her ex's curtain. He never did find the source of the smell and ended up moving out of the home that they'd bought together.

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  5. lol! Love ur sweet revenge!!! :D

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  6. So fun to think about these things... :)

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  7. I would bath in the vagina that wrote this cute remedy of defiance. :-)

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