I am in one of those moods again. I am trying hard NOT to. But I feel I am being compelled.
I feel like Fashion Fail Blogging!
I just recently had dinner with my friends in some posh restaurant. We couldn't help but notice a thousand and one misses and fails (much to our evil enjoyment) in the wardrobe category of your average street fashion.
What can absolutely go wrong with the all-powerful "Little Black/Mini Dress" womankind wears for those nights when "we mean
risky serious business?" The goddesses wore them, so why shouldn't we?
My reckless theory is that, the LBMD (Little Black/Mini Dress) does not mix well with the following: plain stupidity; extra large SUVs; poor social graces and alcohol intoxication (not necessarily in this order).
Well, maybe it's just me, but the safest to wear for an all-occasion, when you don't want to make a fashion faux pas and choose to stay classy and safe; is to wear the mighty fail-safe Little Black Dress. Donned with the proper accessories and drop-dead gorgeous shoes, how can anyone miss the goal and go wrong?
Alas, it gets so wrong. Just wrong, this insight totally moves me to tears. It makes me want to declare war on women who think with their nail polish and left good graces entirely to the ethereal Princess Grace of Monaco (God bless her soul). How dare you half-wits?
Let me educate you.
Primarily on the subject of undergarments. If you feel that your undies leave "visible pantie lines", at the very least, wear a pantyhose. Unless of course, you are in the business of "flashing."
I know it feels liberating to be au naturel, but on every occasion that you attend, do you feel you are obligated to go "commando"? Give me a break! If some creep comes up to you , grinning and drooling like an imbecile about to get laid, trust me, he peeked.
Additional basic reminders, since 70% of your body is made up of water, it is likely that you sweat, plus even under air-conditioning, we all do (
as a matter of fact, even when you swim dahlin'!).
Yes, "sweat" are those dew-like liquid that comes out from your body's largest organ called the skin, that has pores and sweat glands. They were called "sweat" or perspiration before, last I checked, they are still called sweat until now. Nothing much has changed in the human physiology even if you have been lipo-suctioned or tummy-tucked.
Silky, sheer clothing apparel tends to stick to your skin when you're sweaty. Having said this, watch out for an up-skirt wedgie.
The formula is simple: Without a pantyhose + bare sweaty skin = up-skirt wedgie.
An up-skirt wedgie is just one among the many up-skirt mishaps.
An up-skirt mishap would range from the accidental flashing, to the "skirt is hot dang too short" it displays your uterus when you get off from a car, a stool, or a high seat, when you climb the stairs; or to the plain clueless and stupid, your hemline getting caught by a belt, a garter or any waistband. The last up-skirt mishap allows strangers to watch your buns for a few minutes before someone courageous (or exhausted from too much laughing) tells you that your buns are publicly exposed. Need a visual aid? Here, feast your eyes.
Its ridiculous why some of us, and I am not saying all of us, want so badly to be treated with respect and admired for our intelligence and smarts, when we behave this way. If these women can't even get their wardrobe right out in public (as a qualifying distinction), how can demi-goddesses like the few of us keep fighting for our kind, when some women love to sit on their brains? Damn. It's really tiresome.
I personally will forever keep the sanctity of the Little Black Dress to heart and make it a personal crusade not to become a Fashion Victim. I hold a few favourites and they are absolute knock-outs matched with a south sea pearl choker, red shoes (or black), black tights, and a little black purse. More importantly, when I mean serious, or risky business, I am fully "armed." Or haven't you heard of the Art of Seduction?
PS. Photo credits.Thanks to Chanel and the Artists' Galleries.