Just Sayin'

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Little Black-Mini Dress: What Can Go Wrong?

I am in one of those moods again.  I am trying hard NOT to.  But I feel I am being compelled.
I feel like Fashion Fail Blogging!
I just recently had dinner with my friends in some posh restaurant. We couldn't help but notice a thousand and one misses and fails (much to our evil enjoyment) in the wardrobe category of your average street fashion.  
What can absolutely go wrong with the all-powerful "Little Black/Mini Dress" womankind wears for those nights when "we mean risky serious business?"  The goddesses wore them, so why shouldn't we?
My reckless theory is that, the LBMD (Little Black/Mini Dress) does not mix well with the following: plain stupidity; extra large SUVs; poor social graces and alcohol intoxication (not necessarily in this order).

Well, maybe it's just me, but the safest to wear for an all-occasion, when you don't want to make a fashion faux pas and choose to stay classy and safe; is to wear the mighty fail-safe Little Black Dress. Donned with the proper accessories and drop-dead gorgeous shoes, how can anyone miss the goal and go wrong?
Alas, it gets so wrong.  Just wrong, this insight totally moves me to tears.  It makes me want to declare war on women who think with their nail polish and left good graces entirely to the ethereal Princess Grace of Monaco (God bless her soul).  How dare you half-wits?
Let me educate you. 
Primarily on the subject of undergarments.  If you feel that your undies leave "visible pantie lines", at the very least, wear a pantyhose.  Unless of course, you are in the business of "flashing."
I know it feels liberating to be au naturel, but on every occasion that you attend, do you feel you are obligated to go "commando"?  Give me a break!  If some creep comes up to you , grinning and drooling like an imbecile about to get laid, trust me, he peeked.
Additional basic reminders, since 70% of your body is made up of water, it is likely that you sweat, plus even under air-conditioning, we all do  (as a matter of fact, even when you swim dahlin'!).
Yes, "sweat" are those dew-like liquid that comes out from your body's largest organ called the skin, that has pores and sweat glands. They were called "sweat" or perspiration before, last I checked, they are still called sweat until now.  Nothing much has changed in the human physiology even if you have been lipo-suctioned or tummy-tucked.
Silky, sheer clothing apparel tends to stick to your skin when you're sweaty. Having said this, watch out for an up-skirt wedgie. 
The formula is simple: Without a pantyhose + bare sweaty skin = up-skirt wedgie.
An up-skirt wedgie is just one among the many up-skirt mishaps.  
An up-skirt mishap would range from the accidental flashing, to the "skirt is hot dang too short" it displays your uterus when you get off from a car, a stool, or a high seat, when you climb the stairs; or to the plain clueless and stupid, your hemline getting caught by a belt, a garter or any waistband.  The last up-skirt mishap allows strangers to watch your buns for a few minutes before someone courageous (or exhausted from too much laughing) tells you that your buns are publicly exposed.  Need a visual aid? Here, feast your eyes.

Its ridiculous why some of us, and I am not saying all of us, want so badly to be treated with respect and admired for our intelligence and smarts, when we behave this way. If these women can't even get their wardrobe right out in public (as a qualifying distinction), how can demi-goddesses like the few of us keep fighting for our kind, when some women love to sit on their brains?  Damn. It's really tiresome.
I personally will forever keep the sanctity of the Little Black Dress to heart and make it a personal crusade not to become a Fashion Victim.  I hold a few favourites and they are absolute knock-outs matched with a south sea pearl choker, red shoes (or black), black tights, and a little black purse.  More importantly, when I mean serious, or risky business, I am fully "armed." Or haven't you heard of the Art of Seduction?

PS.  Photo credits.Thanks to Chanel and the Artists' Galleries.


  1. I would like a black dress and black tights.

    Someone showing their butt would make me laugh (:

    Funny pics O_O

  2. Your tips made my day! And well, fashion hara kiri of the type you described are atrocious!Another maginificent post sis!

  3. Alex, you would totally rock a little black dress with black tights, even black boots. I know, the pictures are insane.
    JM, thanks sis. I know how busy you are and I am glad you stopped by. I totally adore the new picture and those "dreamy" eyes. =)

  4. LMAO, too funny. Why is it people feel the need to duplicate Paris or Lindsay? Do they not get that they are not to be admired but prime examples of what NOT to do in every way, especially "wardrobe malfunctions" IMO, not malfunctions at all but a way to get back on those magazine covers. Fragile little egos who don;t care why, so long as people are looking.

  5. So PBB, where is the picture of you rocking a little black dress? I'm sure you would be both stylish and sexy wearing the appropriate undergarments.

  6. Stafford, maybe I will post my pics it on G+. ;)

  7. Great idea. I should put some up too.

  8. i just hemmed my little black sundress i just got last week.
    it was adorable on top, but poofy and had an elastic in the hem making it rediculous- but fixable!
    an hour spent this afternoon fixing it up improved it 100%.

    goddess bless the little black dress- both the casual and the elegant!

  9. up skirt wedgie lmao I've seen it but I never had a name for it untill now.

  10. Violet: yes, I swear Einstein discovered the little black dress.
    Kiki, you're right. I invented the term. hahahaha Ain't it cool, you see them around most times but don't know how to call it out loud, 'Hey lady, you have a wedgie!" but that isn't exactly a wedgie, it is more than a wedgie. XD

  11. Well named PB the girls at work approved. I think the term Up skirt wedgie will become global.

  12. hehe...I have a LBD with a leopard print belt which I wear on special occasions...I hope never to fall victim to the above!! :D