Vampire Romanticism and Tweenies

There's a virulent fascination with vampires and everything bloodsucking these days that is happening amongst the tweenies (twenty somethings) and teenagers.
It's swelled up to large proportions brought about by the cult following of Meyer's Twilight Series.

I read all four books.  So sue me.  I have been an avid reader of this genre from  Stephen King to Anne Rice and every other author in between.


However Meyer's formula of glorifying romance between an undead and a human is so spot on it tickled the sentimentalities of the gen Y populace.  How else would you explain the rise in vampire related series on TV when I only had the luxury of enjoying Buffy?

You see here, this is vampire slayer. 

Totally cute and petite.
Fast and feisty.  Sarah Michelle Gellar.
Even in this series, there was a raging sexual tension between the bloodsuckers and the bloodsuckee. (okay I just invented that word, but it sounds rather apt)


And then here is the wave of the new vampires.  Ian Somerhalder in Vampire Diaries.  
Dang it!  It is so NOT FAIR!

Now tell me honestly; if this guy ever comes up to you in an eerie, isolated parking lot on a dark night as you drunkenly try to crawl back to your car and he tells you, "I am going to bite you in the neck and suck the life out of you, in return, I will give you immortality and eternity with me", would you say NO?  I mean, really...  would you say, "Bugger off!"
Come on.
Any warm blooded female homo sapiens would willingly offer more than her neck to this dude.
Since I am an old soul in terms of vampire romanticism, anybody who has had a purview of the history of vampires would understand exactly what I am talking about.
Vampires ain't all pretty and hot and buffed with six-pack (okay even 8-pack) abs.  And if you believe they can stay vegan for all eternity, who are you kidding?
Aye, so where's the rub?  The partiality towards a love affair between an immortal and mortal is as old as Caligula.  Fine, maybe a bit younger.  This propensity for eternal youth and immortality is the Don Quixote in every man.  The dreamer, the mystical romantic.  We are such suckers for that one elusive impossible dream, the one that can never be, the life that can only be imagined but not lived.  That pretext as a given only needs a small spark to blaze it.  

The formula is quite simple, hot dudes with vampire fangs plus hot chicks willing to be bitten, is equal to a phenomenon that rakes in dollars at the box office.  It is not that all romantic, really.  It is an effective and successful business model.  Ah!! But there's more, let's add a third character.  The hot werewolf.  Gawd, who's to argue about that one?  
Spice your Erehwon with a  love triangle between a vampire, a werewolf and a human.  Whilst this idea is bordering on the insane, it sells!  Totally rocks the tills! It is an excellent marketing plan and though the selling points are not unique, the enhancements and features are way too attractive for their market to decline.
If you're not buying it, somebody is.  As a matter of fact, a huge lot of somebodies are buying it and taking it all in.  The huge movie production executives will just tell you to chill, you are not in their target demography.  (hahaha)  
You're probably in the thirty something and above bracket, and have become too much of an adult to bother with ridiculous mythical love triangles.  If you can barely manage to balance your income tax, why would you even think about immortality?  
The numbers will tell you that the Global Median Age (as of 2010) is between 27-28, and the teens and tweenies would account for roughly 35-38% of the world population; and these are the guys who are totally contracted into this storyline.  They are the market.  The new era of Quixotism who dream about turning into a vampire, becoming a member of the Cullen clan or dating the hottest werewolf.  
Perhaps, that's the new twist in romance.  In my simple mind I see it more as an advent of a generation of escapists.  Escapists are idealists and stargazers and dreamers.  I don't seriously believe there is anything wrong with that. 
My generation lost touch with the dreamers in us.  We saw so much war and hate and racism and bigotry and injustice. Its almost a folly to be a romantic.  Pragmatism is a common mindset.

I personally wouldn't mind an alpha dog as a lifetime companion.  The top of the line werewolf is my immortal companion of choice, however.
I am rather picky.  

LADY GAGA - WTF?

18 February 2011

Let me begin this by saying I am a proud member of the Generation X.  I do not hold any apologies if I was born in a household where we have this huge console made of wood, (note: as in "real" wood)  called the television set.  Yes, it was black and white.  My Dad shortly thereafter bought a colored one due to my prodding and because I was always in the neighbor's house, watching TV shows in black and white on their "colored" TV.

The PC was not yet in every desk top, ergo, Mr. Bill Gates has not fulfilled his vision. 

John Travolta was still a dancing heartthrob and not your character actor facing-off with Nicolas Cage.


Back then, the term FACEBOOK was a non-word.  A book face is considered the front cover artwork of a book.

If you wrote down or actually said:  BRB, TTYL or TMI;  people will ask you if these are new company acronyms or something is terribly wrong with you; and it is likely a toss up between dyslexia or a written expression disorder.

But as a proud member of the Gen X era, I can play Resident Evil 5 without squirming; I can Blog, I use technology to enable and aid me in my communications and in my work (albeit I will not allow myself to be trapped by it), I understand the Game Mechanics of DotA;  I am a real mean Pokemon Player and have graduated to the Maximum Level by using only ASH as my player and if I don't need to give you a voice call, I can easily switch to SMS.  

However, despite my flexibility and adaptability to the trends of 21st century pop culture, including Gen Y's fixation on emo-goth expressionism, gayliners, metrosexuality, retro-fashion, remakes,  even the nauseating Beavis & Butthead MTV humor, I  do have certain limits of tolerance.

This one here is just sheer abomination. 

I am totally not getting it.  As a matter of fact, I don't give a hoot if I'm the only one not getting it.   

What really gets my beef are media morons who label this display of insanity as cutting edge creativity!  Oh give me a freaking break!  She attends a Morning News show dressed as a condom, with matching horns,  to promote safe sex.  What the hell?

Fine, so they say Lady Gaga's unprecedented entrance was a milestone at the 53rd Grammy's. She was carried into the theater in an egg because she was incubating.  

Do succubus incubate? 

And she romps around to the tune of her latest single (gawd, now it's Number 1 in the charts! wtf?) "Born This Way".  Hell yeah, she was born sick if you ask me.

Now wait a second, that sounds like a Madonna arrangement.  Listen ... even the Prologue of "Express Yourself" sounds the same.  Hah!  Talk about cutting edge creativity?  Even my simple auditory skills can discern the similarity.  Gaga is a copycat.  I don't care if her claim to fame is to be reborn as the Goddess of Springtime in the NWO.  Who gives a crap?  A copycat is still NOT an original however unintentional.  Damn if I care.  Still a rip-off.


I seriously, seriously miss "talent".  Talent as in musical geniuses.  I am lucky to have caught a glimpse of musical talents of past decades that actually wrote poetry, added musical notes and arrangements and sang it without having to resort to outlandish gimmickry bordering on the occult just to get some attention.  

I miss music and musicality.  Music that cuts through generations.  My grandparents listened to it.  My parents loved it.  I swooned when I heard it, and sadly,  some of these pieces have been re-mixed with complete disrespect and downloaded into iPods to blare into eardrums ruining the harmony of the instruments.  Shame!

I miss the true icons.  No false claims.  No cosmetic boosters. Just plain leadership in their fields that stood above the din.  They are either dead, killed or has-beens because they don't make good marketing these days..

At least, I have the luxury of knowing what I miss. I am indebted to digital technology as this enabled me to listen and savor true and real music,  made by the creative musical geniuses of the 20th century; instead of feeding on this viral disease that plagues and damages the 21st century music industry populated by muddled and afflicted personalities.  

DEATH - By PowerPoint

16 February 2011

Seriously, do you really have to?

Do you really have to start your Slides with HELLO, Good Morning and naturally end them with GOODBYE and Thank You?

Oh just give me a break!  To all ye MS PowerPoint freaks, listen and listen well.

There's an old adage that goes "If you can't razzle-dazzle them with your substance, then you might as well razzle-dazzle them with your bullshit!" 

I would like to believe that generally, as far as my education on business presentations are concerned, a set of slides are considered Visual AIDS.  Tools.  

Visual aids like videos, pass outs, and yes, PowerPoint slides,  help cut the monotony of your face and voice and likewise forces your audience to look at something else instead of stare at the ceilings or windows or their shoes during a business presentation.

But do you really have to go overboard by reading the essay you wrote?  Verbatim? Every single word flashed on the screen?  

Have you heard of "BULLETS", not those that I intend to shoot you with, but Bullet Points?  They are called such for a special reason. 

• They are small dots, or squares, or arrows or check marks, that are short descriptive phrases.  
• They de-clutter the material on your slides so you need not post your entire script.

Do you see that?  Bullet Points.

And please, remember the 75/25% principle.  

If you have 15 minutes to present, the rule of thumb is to keep your slides between 10-12.  It is likely that you will talk for more than a minute in one or two slides.  

If you plan to present for more than 15 minutes, then please ... call a caterer.  At least feed your audience.  They deserve that much for all the pain and agony.

Optimize your slides.  

Use strong visuals.  

Use graphs.

Add some animation..  But don't overdo it.  You're not Stephen Spielberg.

There is a simple guide on developing powerful presentations that you can look at (Google it!), and I suggest, if you are asked by your Boss to make him some slides, or are making slides for your own use, Keep it Short and Simple.  Your slides are aids to your presentation, they are not designed to replace you as the presenter nor the information you need to share.  

As a general rule, if there is no need to put what you have to say into slides, DON'T.

Unless you want to make a name in your Office as the geek who killed his audience 

Scott Adams rocks my world.

21st Century Rules in Workplace Politics

12 February 2011

I don't know if it's just me, but I have just had it with this self-help books and management gurus that paint a totally absurd picture of what really happens in a corporate workplace.  They  sell you  irrelevant concepts and stuff about building more than your I.Q., strengthen your E.Q. and your S.Q.  It's a load of baloney!   Leave that to the Harvard guys.  Didn't they all cause this mess to begin with?

Whatever your quotient is, surviving corporate politics and realities is a matter of knowing how quickly the rules of the game changes and how fast you can adapt.

I have developed and collected a few of my own survival techniques in this harsh battlefield along the way.

• THERE IS AN "I" IN TEAM.  Now whoever said there is no "I" in team obviously has never been in an office team.  It is all bout "I" meaning it is all up to you if you will grab that opportunity for visibility.  If it's right there, grab it.  If you don't have the opportunity, create one where you can showcase how good you are and that you can make everyone in a sorry team of losers, actually work for you.  It's all about "visibility"  Be seen.  Be heard.

• IF YOU CAN'T BE BETTER, THEN BE FASTER.  It's all about speed.  It's all about how you can think on your feet whilst you sprint.  You should know where you are good at and where you're not.  And others can beat you to it.  Do not be such a deliberate creature.  Thinking and over analyzing things too much will never get you anywhere but your small cubicle near the pantry or the loo.  There will always be coyotes and jackasses to get you, and if you are not fast enough, you're dead meat. 

• IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU.  IT'S ABOUT PROFIT AND COST.  Don't hold any grudges on cutbacks on your projects.  Don't get stumped just because your bright innovative and creative idea did not sell.  If this will not drive profit quickly, it's doomed.  If your proposal is all about additional expenses that will not translate to the bottom-line, then forget about it.  Get real.  This is business.  Don't grow moral scruples.  Don't even wince. If you think corporations are built around social consciousness and responsibility, work with a  volunteer group and save the earth.

•  SHOW FACE ON/SHOW FACE OFF.  If you have no idea what I am talking about, what the hell are you doing in a corporate environment?  Nobody puts on a "real" face at work.  Unless you have a suicidal streak and it's your life's choice.  Who am I to say otherwise?

• THE BOSS IS KING/QUEEN.  Tried.  Tested.  True.  No ifs.   No buts.  Just a statement of fact.  

• NO "FRIENDS" POLICY.  If you possess a delusion that the workplace is actually a haven of would-be or potential friends for life?  You are absolutely wrong.  There are a few, accent on few, exceptions.  But the general rule in order to survive is to see the people in your workplace as co-workers.  Period.  If you actually think that Miss Goody-Two-Shoes that sits there in the west wing who prays or reads the Bible every Lunch Break is a Saint, think again.  She is likely to be the village loony, the village tramp or the village rumor mill, or all of the above.  Sharing a cup of coffee is just as you see it, sharing a cup of coffee.  There are no gray areas.  If you don't have any friends, then look elsewhere, not in your freaking office.  Goodness, go clubbing!  So the next time around somebody bawls out or breaks down after a dressing down with the boss and runs to you for comfort and consolation, offer some tissues.  That's not being a jerk. You're just keeping it real.

• THERE IS A CURE FOR "GUILT ATTACKS".  When push comes to shove, tackle and drivel and claw.  Oh yes, attack and give the attackers a warm welcome to the world of pain.  Don't be so morally upright even if you started the mess.  Deny it.  You never started anything.  If you try to play niceties, then you are branded for life, and likely the first candidate to go when the need arises.  Nobody wants a popular and nice guy.

• NEVER CALL A BLUFF.  If somebody tells you that the whole project you are working on sucks and your team presentation is a load of crap, or that someone screwed up and the Boss needs to be told about it ... go back to your Poker basics.  Do you have a good hand?  Are you willing to raise the ante?  Calculate the risks.  Proceed as planned and lay away from taking the role of the office idiot who delivered the bad news to the Boss.  Every "messenger" gets killed, literally.  So unless you have 4 Aces tucked up in your sleeves, then you have the luxury of calling the bluff.  You should be smart enough to smell a set-up.

• FIND A JEDI MASTER.  Nope, I am not talking about the senior executives who would rather hold onto their offices until the world splits apart on their feet; nor am I talking about "Mentors"  who appear to know this and that but speak in blurry words only morons will fall for.   I am talking about people who blend with the wall paper, but they've seen it all and they know.  I am talking about the real wise men in the Office Building.  The Clean Up guys, the Security Guards and the 30-year service Office Contractual Hire.  Keep them very close to you.  Invest a little.  Trust me, even Christian Amampour will be put to shame about how much these people know and are willing to share.  You need the information.  They are way better than Google Query and Wiki put together.  It's a secret weapon.  Keep it a secret.

• WORK SMART, DON'T DIE FOR A COMPANY.  I see this happen all the time.  People work like they expect the company to love them back.  It's a Company.  It's not even a living creature.  They have short memories.  And every minute you spent working was paid for.  So who asked you to work with passion?  With dedication?  With such loyalty and devotion?  No one.  Even if they did, that was another bluff and you actually fell for it.  Working your butt off does not mean losing sleep on it and killing yourself.  Have a life.  Crunch your full eight hours then go home.  If you don't have one, build one.  Have some fun.  Smell the flowers.  Or just drink.

• IT'S JUST A JOB.  Go get a life.  That means look alive.  Breathe.

Acknowledgement: 
All Cartoon Strips courtesy of the creative genius in Scott Adams, the creator of DILBERT.

Did you say Lace, Retro Seventies, Again?

Goodness, we are back where we started. And I thought I could honestly get rid of those neon colored eye poppers, and I find out that I need to keep that to be trendy this year.

What in the world could Marc Jacobs and Derek Lam be thinking? The '70's period had its fair share of hits and misses.  But I guess even then, fashion victims galore had head-on collisions with the Age of Aquarius.

In the next several weeks, either you get oohhs and ahhhs as you walk by, or you can get the usual, “what the –“ is she thinking?

 "Okay, what are you looking at?  Where did I go wrong?"

"Well, tell you what?  You can only look but you can never be like me!"

"Oops, it can’t be that bad, or is it?"

Okay, women of the 21st century fashionista trends, let's break down this baloney submarine sandwich into meaningful, chewable little bites.  

Based on my take of the forecast, the 2011 KEY LOOKS can be simplified into a basic principle, even Justin Timberlake has ushered the scenario in 2006.  Check out his video, the man knows his fashion. (That lucky Jessica Biel, an androgynous beauty.  Fine, I’m just seething with envy.)

So for 2011, it’s all about "bringing sexy back" in terms of glam, a la '70's with sheer, high slits, macrame’ and lace in bold color.

In order to be not as panic stricken, I brought myself back to the comforts of the Fashion Icons of the seventies and how this look is completely effortless, painless and relaxed.

The bold colors and lines of Goldie Hawn,

with that unmistakable naughty smile even a Kate Hudson can't hold a candle to; 

the baby doll dress with a revealing up to the navel neckline.

(Practical tip:  I don't suggest anyone should dare wear  this neckline type if you are beyond the Double CC to D cup or have had some kind of surgery and you tend to scar.  Well if you're a C Cup and you have proved the Principle of Gravity to be wrong, then go right ahead!)

Totally chic and glam without looking like it took 4 hours to put this ensemble together, who could forget this '70's icon Ali McGraw of the Love Story fame.  Where do you want me to begin? (touche')

Macrame' headpieces, it was  like the "in" thing to accentuate.  I can imagine that accessory elsewhere, the neck, the tote bag, anywhere your mood takes you.  I will probably use that as oven mittens, in case of emergency.

Ahh, the lady is not a tramp.  Sheer elegance and classiness.  Some can only wish to be a bit like Faye Dunaway.  That piece of chemise dress she's wearing is as timeless as her beauty and bearing.  Sheer and soft without looking garish or tacky.  I can imagine wearing something like this in a Corporate Board Meeting, but totally covered with a knee-length overcoat.  Just a thought.

And even when Ms. Dunaway aged a bit, she still had the inimitable X-factor.

These ladies had what it takes to swing the seventies fashion, with a few tweaking here and there, the glamor is totally back for 2011.  

Every designer in the world has agreed to some fundamental elements that will characterize the 21st century retro '70's.  And surprise, I have simplified the rules for us Gentiles.

Here's my take:

a. Bold Colors

¨     Feminine yet eye catching bright colors.  Play with all colors and hues of neons to citrus shades.  Don't worry about skin tones, who cares, just dare.  If you're the type who worries too much about the color of your skin and your wardrobe, try going naked.  It will save you a lot of money.

b. Prints play an important role from geometric to flowery patterns and for the bolder ones, snake skin.  Don't wear an albino python on your neck, does not make much sense to me.  I totally love geometric designs as prints, it's a welcome "cheat print" for people who know their basic shapes and size rules.

c. Lines

¨     Minimal whether tailored or flowing

¨     Draping meaning cover it but let it cling and here lies the challenge.  "Clinging" means your clothing shapes along your curves.  If you're angular, go back to Rule on Prints.  Hahahaha ... or go tailored.  If you're Reuben-esque in shape, or as in wine, full bodied, I dare you!

d. Slacks keep the high waists belt, and boy am I so happy to have saved a few of that!  Check out the bottoms ... it's wide and bell shaped.

e. Denims a lovely staple and MUST forever be a part of any survivor's wardrobe.  What to do with denims?  Anything.  cut it out, add studs, wear it with a bike jacket, accesorrize it.

Do you need to run to your nearest Bank to get some money and invest heavily on your new 2011 wardrobe?  Have you completely lost your mind?

Here's the deal, scrounge for the following things without having to pay a dime, in your Mom's, Aunt's, Cousin's, BFF's closet, and check out the following must steal:  a maxi dress, then buy a nice wrap around belt; lace up old clothes where it matters, use the cut and paste trick; steal a pair of old bell bottoms jeans from your dad and be creative with it; use your old school girl shoe with tassels, it'll be a hit!; remember your old hot pants or work out jumpsuit? Well if you can fit into it, wear it; cropped tops is still totally in, so go ahead, find your good old huge tee and crop it; if you have an old dress that needs spicing up, tail hems is a forecast, so you can cut up the front and have the back side longer.  Now who ever said looking totally trendy has to cost you a couple of thousand dollars?


To prove my point, revisiting the 60's and '70's is just a matter of blinking.  Look at this:

I could swear I saw that in the Spring forecast of Gucci for 2011.

Oh photo credits goes to Tumblr, RYUJI SHIOMITSU; Frockology Blog;  Hollywood  Photo Galleries. My privilege to borrow your collection.