My Most Annoying Series - Chapter 3

Since I am pretty sure I don't have a lot of "family" members who are "Followers", I made up a list of Annoying Things about house guests and eccentricities and quirks of certain family members that can teeter between nasty to disturbing.

This reminds me of a mutated movie I would fondly call as, "When The Fockers Met The Incredibles."

Let me start with the number 1 thing that totally gets me when there are house guests:

• Piles of dirty dishes that never seem to end.  Leaving so much mess and not even enough decency to clean up their own.  (I am sure they aren't this messy when they're in their own home, or are they?)
• Oh sometimes, the guests bring their kids.  You know, those little creatures that throw a chewed bubble gum on your hair then when it gets stuck, they laugh like possessed banshees? Imagine house guests that travel with kids between the age range of 3 - 11 years old?  My Mom said they are family so I should try to be nice. (She must be kidding.  I'd rather deny any blood affinity with those monsters.)  
• The guests' kids fighting, crying and screaming. I could barely say, "Aww, that's cute!" (This is not your house and I would love to call 911 to report "host battery and abuse!")
• Did they say 3 days or 3 weeks?  (That's it, I am staying in a hotel)
• Look, honestly, I am a good person and I am generally warm and loving.  However there is another type of house guests - visiting family. If I have been driving around everyday for a week to fulfil the silly bunch of widowed Aunties and Unmarried older cousins I call, Old Swingles',  dream fantasy shopping and salon sprees; (with my Mom in tow so I can't say NO), I can only take on so much.  I believe over-exposure to stupid banters, PMS cat-fights, Hollywood gossip, political impasse', back-stabbing stories and blame putting on "who passed gas again in an air-conditioned SUV" can be hazardous for any one's health.  It could even be carcinogenic.

• You know what the worst part is, when the house guests can't decide where to go. My Aunts for instance will say, "Wherever and whatever is fine" and you take the liberty of choosing an activity like a rabid event manager. The moment you get to the place of your choice, they start with endless "editorials" and rather insulting "quips".  (I think the crime is called multiple counts of murder, so I stay calm and composed while I quietly suffer from acid reflux.)
• Sometimes however, guests can be pretty generous and they are travel ready to spend.  I love those Aunts and Uncles.  I never turn down an offer when they want to foot the bill for petrol or dining and shopping for souvenirs. There are a few who play the "endless" shuffle with you as to who got his credit card first.   I play this shuffle very well. I leave my entire wallet at home, I put my Driver's License in the pocket of my jeans, and pretend I am an honest-to-goodness chauffeur. Hah!  Sue me.  
• I don't mind the "personal chauffeur" role, but I hate "clingy" guests.  ("Of course we've been here twice, because the third time around, you are going on your own!")
• Conversations with jet-lagged people?  I don't.  I give them a small pocket book on Word Puzzles and Anagrams or Soduku.  And I go on my peaceful life.
• Fine, so they can't sleep.  But how long do I have to put up with the raucous?  iPods don't drown them when what I really need is some peaceful sleep.
• Phone bills.  Maybe I should set the standard rates including calls made from my mobile phone, what do you think?
• Messing with my pets.  They are my pets and I love them. (If you touch them again and  dream that you can mess with their heads, I will have to introduce you to my little friend - said in the typical Pacino drawl)

Say Hello To My Little Friend